Losing Weight. Pt. 2

Ok, I know I've posted weight loss entries, and entries on becoming a vegetarian on here.  And then totally went back on my word.  The truth is, I'm trying to figure it all out.  You have to have balance, and you have to be happy or it just won't work.  I want to lose weight.  But not at the expense of my health or my happiness or my sanity.  I realized that it all comes down to diet.  Exercise is good for toning and mental happiness, but it won't make you lose weight.  It is really important, but it won't shrink my stomach.  Waking up at the crack of dawn (losing sleep!) to work out was really burning me out.  I will still exercise, but not like that.
I really wanted to be a vegetarian, but honestly, for me, it wouldn't help me lose weight, which is my current goal.  You really need a lot of protein when you are reducing your food intake to help you lose weight.  I know you can get plenty of protein from a vegetarian diet, but it gives you much more options when you can have meat, fish, beans, eggs, milk, beans, tofu, cheese, soy, and nuts.  Meat is relatively low cal, lean cuts are low fat, it keeps you full, and honestly it tastes good.  I won't be eating much red meat, if any, ....but tuna and chicken are great "diet" foods. 
In the past when I have lost weight, I ended up putting the pounds back on because I restrained myself so much for months that I ended up caving in and binging on something really cheesy or a hot fudge brownie sundae.  I didn't allow myself enough chocolate or healthy fats, and I consumed way too much sucralose and aspartame....ick.  This time around, I'm letting myself have one or two squares of dark chocolate per day.  I will have plenty of healthy fats, like nuts, olive oil, and avocado.  I will try to eat as many vegetables and fruits as possible (for fillers).  I will have a yogurt every day.  I will drink mainly tea, coffee, and lots of water.  I will be careful with reduced fat or sugar foods (I want to eat REAL food).  I will chew gum if I'm not really hungry but I want to eat something.  I will try to keep myself busy and keep my mental health in check so I don't fall back on bad emotional eating habits.  If I eat dessert, it will have to be really REALLY good, not just whatever treat someone brought into work.  I will cook more and eat out less.  It is so hard to find healthy "weight loss" type foods in restaurants!  I will eat off the kids menu if I have to.  I've often told myself that if I treated myself like a child (if I wouldn't let my kids have it, then I shouldn't eat it) or like a pregnant woman (eat as healthy as possible for the baby and don't gain too much weight!) that I would eat so much better.  I will stick to this, because I really really want to look like a hot mama when I'm still young, and I know that even though this isn't a "diet", I won't have to eat like this forever.  I will be able to cheat, but not until I'm at goal weight.  I want to be a complete fox by the time I turn 30.
This all came up in my internal dialogue again when we went to Colorado for vacation.  Here in Missouri, there are so many beautiful women that are overweight.  I never felt that bad about myself because I was part of the average normal.  Then we went to Colorado, and everyone there is so fit.  I mean, I saw so many hot young mamas at the pool in bikinis....it was unbelievable!  I realized that if I really wanted to, I could look like those mamas too.  That I didn't have to accept my extra pounds just because I am a Mommy or that I am a normal average girl.  I like curves, but I want to FEEL good.  I want to look good in and out of clothes, and not worry about how my clothes make me look.  I want to wear whatever I want and know that I'll look good regardless.
Today I went out to my garden and picked out my lunch.  I feel really good about that.  Eating healthy feels good, and I know that in turn, I will look good because of it.  This time it's for real.