reward myself for my accomplishments

One thing I am learning, that is a huge motivator, is rewarding myself.  I have a lot to do.  A LOT to do.  So having something to look forward to is a great way to push myself.  It's usually something small, like Starbucks, or watching my favorite show, or maybe even a new candle or body wash.  It's ok to treat yourself for accomplishing something.  Sometimes I get so overwhelmed when I think about everything that needs to get done, so I don't do anything, feeling so guilty.  You have to tell yourself, "one step at a time, don't compare yourself to others, & you are only human".  So you ran errands all day and you were too exhausted to clean when you came home?  So what.  You spent your entire day off running errands (not to mention making breakfast, lunches, and dinner, feeding the animals too, and being pulled in a million other directions...)!  So relax.  Don't bite off more than you can chew.  Focus on one thing at a time, and give yourself a break.  Break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar!    :P
Tell me, what motivates you?  What do you reward yourself with???

be more thrifty

I wanted to include this in my resolutions this year for so many reasons.  First, to save money.  I have become a lot more aware of my spending habbits over the last few years, and I am tired of spending ridiculous amounts of money on things we don't love or use often.  I feel like holidays, for one, have gotten completely out of hand.  These kids (and us) are becoming so spoiled, ending up with mountains of generic stuff that we don't even appreciate.  I can't help but wonder how harmful this will be in the long run for our family.  I'm really begenning to rethink gifts, and want to start making them really unique and thoughtful.  Another reason to become more thrifty is that it is so much fun.  It's always neat to go into a thrift store with an open mind, and see what's available.  Once I got a fantastic olive green velvet vintage couch for $30!  Incredible.  And if you know how to alter clothing, this can be a great way to find vintage fabrics, and borrow pretty details from clothes that aren't quite right.  Also, thrifting is so eco friendly.  Forget all the packaging and polution!  It's a win win win....yay!

lose 30 pounds

I almost hesitate to share this goal because the last thing I want to do is offend anyone, especially on my personal blog, which I try to stay positive and happy. The truth is though, that I really want to share significant and inspirational goals, as well as the fun stuff. I know how weight can be such an emotional topic for almost all women, and probably most men too. So please know, that I am not trying to imply that anyone bigger, smaller, or the same size as me needs to lose 30 pounds.
My reasons for giving myself this goal are many, but mostly because in the 11 years that I have been a mother (I say 11 because you really become a mother when you get pregnant), my focus shifted from myself to my children. This is a good thing, but as they get older and more independent, I am starting to realize that they need to see Mommy work on making positive personal changes. They need to watch and talk with me about being healthy, active, and optimistic. In the past decade I have spent so much mental energy learning how to distract myself from stress & drama. I am not a drinker, a smoker, or a drug user, but I am an emotional eater. Pizza, soda, and candy bars take the edge off of a bad day. Junk food is cheap and working out hurts.
I'm not ok with living like this forever though. I feel like I'm young enough to really benefit from healthful living in the long run. Not that you can't benefit from becoming healthy at any age, but I would love to avoid a chronic illness. Health and nutrition are so important, and if I can manipulate my future to have a sharp mind, a peaceful spirit, and an able body, than sign me up!
I'm not going to pretend that a huge secondary push here isn't a driving factor in this goal. I want to wear what I want, and feel pretty and flirty. It's hard to fake confidence. I plan on getting married in a few years, and I want to strive to be beautiful inside and out. It doesn't really matter what size you are as long as you are happy with yourself...beauty will radiate. I think that by actively paying attention to my nutrition and fitness level will make me start to feel pretty.
A transition like this takes time. There is a lot of mental work to do as well. I am giving myself until December 12 to complete this goal. It needs to be done in a healthy and sane way. It's not all or nothing. This is most definitely a lifestyle change that I have to be comfortable sticking with in the long run. I really want to be a hot girlfriend, and a healthy mom. This will make me feel beautiful.

break up with radio.

I am so tired of listening to what other people like.  Radio isn't necessarily bad, .....it's just.......well, I can't handle listening to some of the same annoying songs over and over again.  I only actually like a small percentage of the songs available on every radio station.  The truth is, my musical taste is very eccentric.  Listening to Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber does not make me happy.  A lot of the artists I like aren't even played on the radio.
So I think in order to be happy, you have to take charge of the fact that you have the ability to choose.  Not just with songs, but you know, it's a start.  It doesn't have to cost a fortune either.  I don't have tons of money to be spending on cds or itunes.  Lilly spilled tea on my laptop keyboard, so my speakers make scary noises now.  But, the library has cds to check out, and then there's things like Pandora radio.  I love the pandora radio app for my iphone.  It's even nice to use it as a car radio, though it doesn't seem loud on the road.  I should probably get a car adapter, so I can turn up the volume on it in the car.
Listening to music that speaks to me, that really has the ability to either mimic my mood or uplift my spirits...that is what I want.
So what are you listening to right now?  Any suggestions?

meal planning.

I have always had a pretty laid back attitude towards grocery shopping, and meal planning (or lack there of).  I would check my bank account balance, and figure out roughly how much I could afford to spend, and then go to town.  Usually trying to keep in mind meals, but really just throwing in what sounds good.  I usually ended up with organic milk, organic eggs, some fruit, a loaf of wheat bread, and fun drinks & snacks from the natural section.  We didn't really put "bad" things in our cart, just not the kinds of things that would keep us fed on groceries alone.  I would always, always, every day, spend tip money on meals.  I'd eat at Subway or Panera for lunch every day, then we would get Quiznos or order pizza, or swing by the grocery store again for an impromptu meal.
I'm starting to realize how expensive this all is.  Before, we would spend up to $200 a trip at the grocery store, but we went maybe twice a month.  And we would have to subsidize. Now, we are going to write down breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the whole week (figuring in when we don't have to cook because of late work nights or whatever), and taking note of when we can use leftovers for lunches.  I can't believe I have been spending so much on my lunches for years!  I mean, I knew $10 for a salad and an iced tea was steep, but I kept on doing it day after day.  I guess I figured that since I was at work, and working hard for my tips, I could spend them on myself at lunch guilt free.  Plus, it was convenient.  Convenience rules.  A lot.
But no more.  This week my girls and I sat down, and came up with a list of acceptable foods that were healthy & yummy (breakfast, lunch, and dinner).  Then came up with meals for the week, based on our list.  I circled the meals we would have from each category, and then bought the groceries we would need (that we didn't already have on hand) to make those meals.  I was proud to find myself doing things like buying a block of cheese to shred, because it saves a dollar.  Silly.  But it all adds up.
It feels really good to be more in control of our spending habits.  It feels good to have that peace of mind, knowing what we are going to eat.  For some reason, I always found it SO stressful trying to come up with what we were going to eat for dinner each night.  It always fell on me to make the decision, we usually couldn't all agree, and it was time consuming & expensive.  Sigh.  So it's really relaxing to know that the supplies are already in my kitchen, we don't have to go anywhere or spend more money, and no one can complain because we chose the meals together. Peace on Earth.
Here are the steps I will take to make this goal a success:

• make a list
• bring my lunch to work
• make the girls lunches (they actually like to make their own!)
• buy only what's on our list
• stay withing budget

I can't wait!!!!!

it's time to listen and....

Food wise, this has been sort of a cleansing month.  February has been a "food detox" of sorts.  It's a transitional month, in that March is the month I start a new diet & exercise routine.  I wanted to wait until the mountains of snow had melted down a bit so I could take the dog out for morning walks.  Plus, when it's warmer outside there is a lot more motivation to get out there and be active.  But this goal is about so much more than diet & exercise.  It's knowing my body.  Listening.  Learning to figure out when I need to give in or tweak things a little bit.  Making sure I get the proper nutrients to make me feel good.  Adequate rest so I have time to heal, and don't wake up grumpy.  I need to learn how to become less reliant on the wrong foods for comfort, and more reliant on the right foods for health and happiness.  Buying a cart full of healthy foods feels so much better than filling it with junk.  It's so nice to leave the store with a clear conscience.  I know I'm doing the right thing for myself and my family buy buying wholesome nutritious foods.  I know that If I eat a few slices of veggie thin crust pizza I feel tons better than a thick slice of greasy meat pizza, which immediately puts me into a food coma.  I know that my skin will clear up if I load up on fresh fruits and veggies.  It's just really simple things that aren't always fun or cool, but at the end of the day you can feel safe, sound, have peace of mind.  Here are some examples of what I will be working on in the next few months:

• eating more healthy, natural foods
• becoming more active, going on a daily morning walk
• limiting junk foods, esp. "trigger" foods that will lead to a binge (like brownies or buttery cheesy breadsticks)
• setting up a descent bed time for myself
• wearing clothes that are comfortable and appropriate for the weather
• showering right after work to relax and ensure that I won't forget to wash my makeup off before I fall asleep
• engage in mindful entertainment.  Knit if I am watching a movie, take the initiative to research what I am interested in instead of thinking "someday I would like to learn...."
• keep setting mini goals and methodically organize and de-clutter every room in the house
• learn how to meditate comfortably
• figure out time management to get more done while also scheduling in "me" time

• journaling more often.  Not art journaling.  Just words.  Letting go of the chaos in my mind.

Basically I just want to be a grown up. 

the can of worms i didn't really mean to open.

 wow. writing a post about religion and spirituality, and what they mean to me, was a lot more time consuming and harder than i thought.  religion is such a hot button topic, and you have to choose your words carefully.  i really hope i don't offend anyone, as that was certainly not my intention behind this post.  i didn't mean to get involved in the topic of religion at all, but thought it might be helpful for me to explain my thoughts on it, since some people might be wondering, "how can you be more spiritual if you aren't religious?"

Sunday morning.  The perfect time for a "become more spiritual" post.  Spell check just told me I had been spelling spiritual wrong.  Maybe I should write a post before I do my projects.  Anyway.....

I'm not a religious person at all.  And I don't want to be.  Being spiritual is different than being religious.  If I were religious I would have a clear and defined path based on one particular religion, which would guide me in every aspect of how I lived my life on this planet.  Becoming more spiritual, as I would like to do, will include meditating, and setting aside the time to reflect on how I wish to improve my life by staying true to a strong set of morals.  I want to strive to become a more positive person, and focus more on everything I am grateful for.  Organized religion is flawed in my opinion. Too many believers are hypocritical.  I don't think the religion or idea is at fault, it's the followers that taint the good image I might otherwise have of a particular religion.

Religion, to me, is like a comforting story.  Something we tell our children to calm their fears of the unknown so they can fall asleep.  The truth is, we don't know.  We won't know what happens after we die until we die.  A friend of mine once told me (about choosing a religion) that it's like choosing our favorite lie.  Jesus Christ is no more real to me than Santa Claus.  Probably once real men, great men.  People started talking about these great men, re-telling these tales from generation to generation.  As we all know from the game of telephone, these stories can get twisted and mis-interpreted, shaped by the experiences of the storyteller over time.  The stories take on the current societal trends of the time, with vivid magic and folklore, as well as strong political undertones and fears.  Don't get me wrong, I believe that religion as a whole has good intentions behind it.  You can learn some great lessons from living a religious life, like selflessness, respect, obedience, patience, hope, charity, and general "goodwill towards men".

Technically I am agnostic.  This means that I am open to the idea of religion being true, but without scientific proof or seeing it with my own eyeballs, I can't be certain.  I have gone to church, and prayed to God, and even got baptized.  But I can honestly say, I never received any answers from Him.  Not a sign.  Not even the image of the virgin Mary on a potato chip!  I can't say that I believe with 100% certainty that I believe in ghosts and aliens, but there are too many stories by reputable people to dismiss the thought (and just think about how vast our universe is!).  I get a lot of comfort from reading books about Buddhism.  The words bring so much prospective on life, teaching you how to "live in the now", and engage fully in whatever you may be currently doing.

Saying you are agnostic is often tricky.  Most people don't really know what agnostic means, and automatically assume that  you are an atheist.  An atheist is a person who doesn't believe an any sort of God or any higher power at all.  They believe that this life is it, and that when we die we die.  End of story.  Atheists are very logical and scientific.  This is not what I believe at all.  I want there to be something!  The idea of Heaven sounds much more appealing than rotting underground & being eaten by maggots.  Even the things I don't want to believe, I still sort of do.  How can you argue when you hear someone say, "the Devil is among us."?!  Then again, atheists have a point.  I can't rule that idea out either.  If this life is all we have, we might as well make the best of it, savoring all the little morsels of happiness that we can. 

Who am I to say that one religion is better than another?!

I just plan on lighting a candle each day, and taking a few moments to meditate, and write down a few things that I am grateful for in a journal.  I plan on writing down my morals, and discussing them with my family as often as possible.  And every day I plan to practice being a happy person, that I can be proud of when I am old.  You have to strive for something.  Something beyond the day to day.  I will be looking forward to having that little bit of calm and peace in each and every day.

go on more dates.

 i am madly in love with my boyfriend, and we spend so much time together, but we rarely go on proper dates.  we've been together for almost 3 years, and while i still enjoy his company, we have settled into a comfort zone that does not include dressing up or going out.  i love and cherish our cozy "stay home" time, with it's jammies, movies, and pizza, but it would be really nice for us to hold onto that intoxicating feeling that comes from trying to impress one another & connecting on a deeper level.  it doesn't really matter what we do, as long as we are having fun, looking as attractive as possible, flirting, and connecting without distractions.  these are some dates i want to try in 2011........

shooting range

putting together a puzzle

a little road trip

park picnic

long nature walks

painting together

cooking together

going to new local restaurants

going to a thrift store and spending $5 on each other

playing a fun video game together

do a d.i.y. project together

go to the library and research about a different country (vacation ideas!)

learn a foreign language

visit a planetarium

go horseback riding

visit a little nearby town

go to a museum 

sit at a coffee shop

go hiking

go on a bike ride

teach each other things we know (like knitting/learning how to drive a stick shift)

I'm excited to try new cute little dates like this.  Got any more ideas??

2011 resolutions.

...oh resolutions.  Do you guys make resolutions?  Most people don't make resolutions anymore.  There's a really funny and insightful blog post about making/keeping resolutions (and lack there of) here.  Me, I always make resolutions.  I can't help it.  I do these things.  It's for the same reason I eat cake on my birthday, and wear green on St. Patrick's day.  You just should.  It's a good idea really, and even if they aren't stuck to completely, they are made with good intentions.  Anything meant to encourage you to grow as a person has to be a good thing to get involved in.
     I made a mini journal of my resolutions, because if they're tangible & cute I gotta stick to them right?  But I have like, 20 resolutions, so I won't overwhelm you with a crazy image heavy post.  I plan on featuring each one separately, spacing them out over the next month or so, so you don't get sick of hearing me blab on an on about them.  :)

     Also, there is a great series of resolution posts called catching confetti, over at the Here's lookin at me kid blog.  You should go check them out......they are fun, and most of them are going on my resolution list as well!
     Whatever your resolutions are this year, I hope you can stick to your guns and follow through.  Don't aim so high that you're guaranteed to fail.  Resolutions should be reasonable, fun, and something you actually want to do.  If you don't really want to lose weight or stop smoking, don't.  You're never going to be able to change until you're truly ready.  And don't feel guilty for choosing fun resolutions instead.  If you feel a huge flood of guilt for doing so, than maybe you should focus on being kind to yourself instead.
     I have a ton of things I am really excited to work on this year (being kinder to myself is one of them), and I can't wait to share them with you!  What are your resolutions this year?  I would love it if you left a comment linking to your resolution posts also.  Good luck!!!

new year

It's a new year.  Time for new & fresh ideas, new resolutions, new goals.  I wanted to give my blog a fresh new look to go along with the new year.  Lighter, more peaceful.  I've been allowing my resolutions and goals to bounce around in my brain for these first few days of 2011.  I'm a little overwhelmed with the planning process that's going on in my head right now.  I think if I could sum up my goals into one sort of phrase or idea, it would be, "follow through".  So many times I come up with all these fantastic ideas only to find myself scared of actually doing them, and coming up with plenty of excuses to not actually do what I intended.  It's easier not to.  It's safer staying in my own little bubble.  The thing is though, ...I'm not comfortable with that anymore.  The time has come for me to really push forward and motivate myself to chase after my dreams, however big or small.  Over the next few days, I plan on sharing with you my 2011 resolution list, my "29 before 30" list, and my blogging plans for this year.  There are lots of brave and exciting changes on the horizon, and I am so optimistic!