Friday, June 25, 2010

so here's the deal.....

I've developed a slight allergy to all things feminine.  Mostly it's the smell of it all that's putting me off.  But it's also the sight of it.  The circus of being a woman.  It's a huge production, and I'm a bit sick of it to tell you the truth.  Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I don't want to put forth any effort.  I still want to look pretty.......MY version of pretty.  Spoken or unspoken, women have rules.  We are told what we should or shouldn't be wearing, how our hair should be fixed, weather or not we should have make-up on, etc, etc.  Everyone has a different vision of beauty, so why shouldn't we be allowed to express who we really are?

I guess all this current frustration started when I decided to ditch bar soap.  I'm the only one in my house that uses it, so it would sit in the shower for a long time and get soap scum all over my porcelain tub, making it really hard to clean.  Body wash is expensive, so I smelled all the cheap stuff.  Of course I start with the pretty bottles with the girlie fragrances.  They all sound nice, but when I open the cap to take a sniff.......OMG.  Wow.  Disgusting.  All of them.  The neutral ones smell awful to me as well.  Then I think...hey...I like my boyfriends body wash.  He uses Irish Spring Aloe.  Mmmmmm.  Heavenly.  About 1/3 of the men's body washes smell good.  Why not?  I'm converted.  Then I go to find some new deodorant.  Not anti-perspirant, deodorant.  I hear that the aluminum in anti-perspirant gives you breast cancer, so I'm looking for deodorant.  Guess what?  They don't make a deodorant for women!  They had one.  One.  It was Tom's apricot scent.  It didn't smell good.  I thought it would,. but it didn't.  So once again, I start searching the men's deodorants.  I settled on Axe fresh essence.  I was drawn to the package of course, which had a dragon and a unicorn on it.  Yeah, I picked out the girliest guy deodorant, but I love it!  I also like shaving foam & it's extremely rare to find a woman's variety.  Gels and creams are everywhere, but nothing compares to Barbisol shaving foam.  And speaking of shaving, men's razors are usually heavier weighted and have more blades.  nice.  I love LOVE men's cotton pajama pants!  The beautiful blues and greys are wonderful.  I love sleeping in either those, or men's cotton boxers.  With a tight women's fitted t (in equally "male" colors), it's a really flattering way to be comfortable.  I want to wear men's underwear too.  I bought a pack of boy's superhero underwear because I thought it would be really cute to wear, but they don't fit.  I can get them on, but the design stretches and they look bad.  I have cute women's underware (that cover my whole ass!) from aerie.  Love that store.  But I'm curious as to how men's underwear would feel.  It's become this novelty to me.  Of course I do have some wifebeaters that look nice under shirts.  And I've been wearing my boyfriends long sleeve buttondowns, and they look great on me, if I do say so myself.  It's funny how a men's medium looks awesome, and a women's extra large still won't fit in the chest.  I've been looking around at fashion blogs at women in feminine buttondowns with a men's vest, paired with work pants.  Love that look.
I want to be a man.  But I am a woman.  I would never get a sex change or become butch or anything like that.  I think I would look awful as a man.  No.  I was born a woman, and I was meant to be a woman.  If I was a man I would be gay without a doubt.  I think I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body!  Ha.  No, I really get into girlie things, it's just that sometimes enough is enough.  It's high maintenance being a woman.  I wanna brush my teeth, mess up my hair and go.  But that'll never happen.  I'm to vain for that. 

If you ever get sick of it all, try tapping into the men's section.  You'll be glad you did.

4 comments:

Theodora said...

patrick told me to read this, i'm glad i did. you have quite a way of looking at things sometimes, i love it.

Nicole Coffin. said...

he he....thanks! :)

Kristie said...

This is so funny! I find absolutely nothing wrong with using "mens" products! It's just how it's labeled. No biggie. My husband has a pair of Xbox pajama pants and I got jealous so he finally found me a pair in mens size small. I look good sporting my xbox pants!!!

Nicole Coffin. said...

That's awesome Kristie! I have a really cool pair of robot jammies I found in the men's section at Target.